My Second Chance at Life.

In less than 2 hours my life will be changing forever. Some of you already know, but for those who don't, please read this with an open mind and an open heart. <3

For 26 years I have let my size and weight define who I was as a person.

Growing up I as always laughed at, poked fun of and constantly ridiculed for my size. As the years went on my self esteem got smaller and I kept getting bigger.

I would make excuses on why I couldn't do things, but really I was just ashamed of my size. I tried diet after diet , my weight fluctuated but I was still a "Big Girl". Slowly the dreams I had for myself were slipping away.

Lucky for me I had met someone in 2007 who wouldn't let my dreams cruise by. I married him in 2009.

Together we began to make our own dreams and goals. However I was still allowing my weight rule my life. We wanted a family but in my current state that was just not possible.

I had let my weight define who I was long enough. I was not going to let it decide if I was going to ever be a mom.

In 2011 I pursued weight loss surgery. Never in a millions years did I ever think I would do something like this. In my mind weight loss surgery was for the weak and hopeless.

I met with my doctor in February 2011 - I had not seen a scale in years.
401 lbs. Wow, I knew I was big but I didn't know I was that big! I was ashamed of that number. My doctor agreed that something had to be done and supported me in my decision to embark on this journey.

Over the next year I had learned so much about surgical weight loss. It was not just for the hopeless and pathetic. It as only a tool to help you succeed.  It was not going to magically fix me, but it would help me get there.

A whole year had gone by but somehow my file got caught in limbo. Slowly the idea that i was so gun-ho for was disappearing in front of me. I can't let the weight win. I won't let it boss me around.

My hopes and dreams teeter tottered in my mind. I knew what I had to do, It was time for the weight and I to break up.

Few emails and phone calls later I was back on track. This time I was not going to let anything stand in my way. This was MY choice, MY plan and MY second chance.

July 3rd was my consultation appointment with my surgeon. I was so nervous. Scale time again.
412 lbs - Oh My GOD! That evil 400 number again! My surgeon was frank, he told me I was just too large to be safely operated on. WOW, Game changer! I felt like I was kicked in the groin (figuratively speaking) I was crushed.

... But he wasn't finished...

He told me I needed to lose 30lbs to more forward. If I could lose 30lbs then why the heck am I sitting in his office? I felt defeated. He probably could see it written all over my face.

He explained how this was going to happen. Told me that I was not the first person he had told this to. He wanted to make sure there was light at the end of the tunnel. He said it should take me two months, and went ahead and set my surgical date for September 5th. At  that moment he was no longer my surgeon... He was my wake-up call.

I left his office feeling inspired. This time I was going to win! I had to weigh-in every two weeks at the doctors. Suddenly I was no longer afraid of those scary scales! 

Fast forward to present. As I sit here writing this I am indeed 30lbs lighter. It was not an easy battle but I did it and I won.

Slowly my dreams are becoming an obtainable reality. In less than 24 hours I will be having a procedure called a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.

I have not given up, but instead I have taken control of my own future. I have many goals - some big some small, and I am very excited to take you on this journey with me.

Writing this has been very hard. Letting my guard down is scary, but I know 100% that this is the best for me and I WILL be okay.

Currently I am sitting at approximately 380 Lbs. Woohoo!!!  32Lbs gone FOREVER.

Lots of people ask if I am scared about the surgery, the answer is HELL YEAH! But I am more afraid of NOT having it. I do not want to know what would of happened to me if I did nothing at all.

I want to thank everyone who has played such a crucial part in this journey. You all know who you are.

Tomorrow is the big day. Currently I am feeling anxious but ready. I officially feel like a winner and I am so excited to share this with everyone. I hope somewhere I can be an inspiration to someone. It is not right to feel like a prisoner trapped in your own body.

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. I will update everyone when I am out of surgery.

Just think the next time you see me you will just be seeing a lot less of me. (And I am totally okay with that!!)

Lots of Love
Amy